Wow so…they weren’t kidding when “they” said you can expect to get bigger with subsequent pregnancies…I thought I was big with Ava, and I blamed that on all the brownies I ate after my mother passed away! I think it is not helping my perception the fact that I am carrying this baby high while I carried my other two low…therefore it’s official. My muscles are officially stretched out. Yep. All the more real estate in there for the bub I guess.

I realize after I took this pic the other day that I was wearing black so you don’t get the full extent of its perfect roundness. I call this my cutest baby belly to date – how it protrudes outward and not downward. I snapped this quick pic in the dirty mirror…the one the kids have put a thousand finger prints on…I know I should clean it but I have gotten to the – why bother stage since the finger prints will be back in 5 minutes. Sorry I digress. Here’s the bad pic to show you what I mean:



The biggest significance is that I am finding my pants are staying up with just a belt without the need of belly ups…at least for now. It is certainly nice to know that I am not showing crack every time I bend over! Yes. Best preggy belly to date I must say.

I am surprised to say that Sponge Bob has not returned. When I was pregnant with Sophie and then Ava, my stomach was comically square when I was in sitting position. We would joke that I was giving birth to Sponge Bob. Now it tends to stay round and protrude outward at a point.

All this kind of appeared like, “Kablam!” overnight…I still shock myself when I walk past a mirror. Still, it seems to be evening out now…and not growing at the same rapid pace. So will I be as big a house when it is all said & done? Time will tell…



This is how big I got with Sophie -right before I gave birth! Ouch! No pointy belly until 8 months in those days. I guess my muscles were still fighting to stay intact. Photo circa September, 2007. I know…forever ago… ;)

(click for full size)



May It Be – Enya

I made this before I gave birth to Ava…I was really connected spiritually to the birth process this time, & had an amazing homebirth!! Hopefully I can pull it off again…

My reasoning for choosing not to ultrasound is not because I read statistics or an article. In fact, the information evidence gathering came a lot later. It was an instinctual feeling for me. Sophie – my first pregnancy 4 years ago – was your routine, run of the mill pre-natal care. Find a doctor accepting pregnant patients. Blood tests first, go every 4 weeks, pee in a cup, get weighed, take blood pressure, measure fundal height, use doppler to listen to heartbeat…sugar test…I also had the routine ultrasound at like 20 weeks. Low lying placenta. You will have to come back for another at 32 weeks…

Although I went along with what was required like a good patient, I never really liked how I felt after a doppler or the ultrasounds. Of course like any new parent to be, I was excited to hear my baby’s heartbeat for the first time. It was after this first time however, that I noticed the baby moving for the first time. A lot. And so every time I had a doppler it was the same thing – a lot of movement followed by a crampy kind of feeling. Both ultrasounds the same thing…& I remember the tech having to wait during that first ultrasound because she was flipping & flopping around a lot.

I brushed those feelings off as nothing – I mean, ultrasound is routine practice, and necessary, I thought. But I still had this nagging in the back of my head. It was more of the spiritual connection I had with my unborn child – not so much the physical symptoms. Something made me feel like my child was in distress. I again, brushed it off as mother-to-be jitters.

Sophie was a generally sweet, calm newborn – however she startled very easily. We’re not even talking loud noises – unexpected noises or movements would cause her to startle and send her off to hysterics. It would take awhile to calm her down. Bath time was really difficult. Lifting her in and out of the tub regardless of how close we held her to our body would cause her to have a startle reflex. Common & necessary for motor development yes, but so hard to calm her down after. I started getting in the bath with her but still, even with both my husband & I supporting her out, she would startle and it was very distressing to us as it took awhile to get her to calm down. Breastfeeding worked, and boy, did she want to nurse. Constantly. I was worn out.

I got pregnant with Ava when Sophie was 9 months old. My Doctor had skipped town for the greener pastures of Ontario. This gave me an out – I knew this time I did not want to have medical pre-natal care. This was not due to any fear or bad experience – I actually really liked my doctor & enjoyed seeing her every month. In fact I still wasn’t there yet about the ultrasounds – having unconventional pre-natal care I just assumed I would have to go get an ultrasound for proof of pregnancy. But after weighing out the options in my head, and discussing it with Rick, trusted birth professionals and friends, I realized I could not go through with an ultrasound (I opted on a blood test showing HCG level as proof of pregnancy. My Naturopathic Doctor was sending me for blood work anyway so I had her tack it on).

That’s when I started searching for factual evidence. Are my strong feelings against this warranted or am I just crazy? Today, a good friend of mine posted an article entitled, Think Ultrasound For Babies Is Safe? Think Again. It was a good overall refresher for me and a condensed version of the research I had done during Ava’s pregnancy. Sarah Buckley’s article Ultrasound Scans- Cause for Concern was just brought to my attention & is also a good overview of the history of the ultrasound, what it is & what it does.

So with Ava’s pregnancy, I had no conventional medical pre-natal care. No peeing in cups, no doppler, no ultrasound. She had nothing but blissful calm & silence in the womb, except for hearing our voices & music…and the odd purring of a cat on my lap. She was born at home, in the water, into my waiting hands. As far as infants go, the polar opposite of her older sister. She was quiet, never startled, and was easy to calm down if she fussed. She breastfed well but not so constant that I was worn out. And, I could put her down, and she liked to be put down to have some time to herself (Sophie I could never put down. I pretty much wore her for 3+ months straight). In a nutshell, Ava seemed trusting of her environment.

Now of course, my experience is purely conjecture. A mother’s instinct. You can argue this is purely personality on the part of my children, and I thought this for some time as well. If you were to meet my kids today however, Sophie is the one who is patient, understanding, gentle and kind. Ava on the other hand is impatient, impulsive and gets very upset of not allowed to do something (she is also a little ham & a born comedian…beside the point but I just had to say… ;)).

I write this, mostly because I wince every time I give someone a politically correct answer as to why I don’t ultrasound, because I truly think all mothers deserve to have the information to make an informed decision for themselves whether they choose to have an ultrasound or not. Especially in this day & age where 3-D ultrasounds are regularly available – pay and go as many times as you want, and since you can rent dopplers for personal use for the duration of your pregnancy. We owe it to our children to ask whether or not this practice in excess is safe. I still think that ultrasounds are good diagnostic tools & necessary when complications are expected or in emergency situations.

And of course, like anything I do in my life, I make these choices based on my feelings & research – and I do not believe in judging people for their decisions. I offer up my experiences for my own process: it is my truth, despite being terribly unconventional at times for some to fully understand. Because I appreciate thoughtfulness & truth on the part of those whom I interact, I hope to inspire others. Not to be like me but to help in making an informed, empowered decision. :)

(I will blog about this pregnancy in the coming days…still planning a home birth…a bit of a twist this time though & I am still processing…)

Yes it is official…we will be (hopefully) adding to our family in the coming months. Hopefully…I know it sounds rather pessimistic, but I am a realist none-the-less. :) Nothing in life is guaranteed, but if this is meant to be it is meant to be.

The practical Taurus in me, also really, really, REEEEAAALLLY wants another girl. Mostly because, I have all the little girl gear & if it is a girl I don’t have to buy anything. Also I have had two girls so it seems rather natural to me now…I also like the sound of 3 sisters…just something magical about the number 3. :)

Sophie was the only pregnancy that I found out the sex ahead of time. Actually, she is the only pregnancy where I have had an ultrasound. I know better now than to screw around with that. I was so panicked to know she was a girl. I have two brothers & was a tom boy. I know trucks, rough housing, playing in the dirt…and Sophie has proved to be a very girly girl. She insists on having her hair done, and putting her in a frilly dress leaves her all giggly and giddy. I feel very privileged to be the mother of girls…and I would be honoured to take on that responsibility again.

I’ll be honest. It is SO. NOT. EASY! I enjoy being a mother more than words could say…more than I ever thought I would. However having children close in age – and children who happen to be emotionally needy (and I do not say this because they are girls, but simply because that is their personalities – and perhaps the truth is all children are emotionally needy and rightfully so) has really tested my patience, my inner strength, and has forced a lot of my own unresolved childhood issues to the surface. I believe feelings are to be honoured & not ignored, even in children – even when to us it seems irrational or a manipulation. Life is a dance…a delicate balance between the two dance partners…and the beauty of children is that they are so readily forgiving and willing to dance with you…even if you have two left feet and step on their toes! Many of my adult relationships are severely unbalanced…where I tend to give a lot and get nothing or little in return. And I mean this in an emotional sense, not a tangible sense. So to see just how willing & open someone with just a few short years on this earth can be to learn to dance with you – despite how painful or difficult it may be…well, to me, children are filled with eternal wisdom….

So what if we have a boy? Well of course, he will be loved to pieces by his mother, father & two older sisters. To be honest, everything points to having a boy this pregnancy. This pregnancy is so polar opposite to my other two…and when I do my meditations or think of him/her I picture a little boy, whereas with my first two I always pictured a little girl. Perhaps it is time to start a journey to help develop a strong, sensitive, independent young man…and all I can think, is thank God for his father, as my husband is the best example of a good man that I can think of…

- Enya

In the wee hours of the morning of March 25th, our newest little angel emerged into the world, into her mother’s waiting hands. It was exhilarating. It was exciting. It was frenzied. It was euphoric. I still sum it up in one word: AMAZING! I will never forget the feeling, of reaching down, only to my amazement to find her little tiny head…I had not even realized her whole head had emerged. Once more I bared down making almost inhuman, animalistic sounds, the vibrations of my voice echoing downward helping to birth her body, and into my waiting arms she came…all this in the comfort of my own home, in a very swift labour lasting approx. 3 hours from start to finish. The water felt wonderful and kept the contractions bearable. I never knew birth could be this wonderful – feel this wonderful. Sophie’s birth was swift with no drugs in the hospital but I felt traumatized trying to push her out on my back. This was how it was intended…complete and total connection from start to finish, without intervention.

Ava Rose Celeste Deveau
6lbs. 4oz.
3:39am
March 25th, 2009.

I feel so lucky to have a picture of the very moment I caught her and lifted her out of the water…that is pure and utter joy…

I recovered very quickly from this birth. Within hours I felt like I did not even have a baby!

Besides the moment I caught her, the highlight of the birth was Sophie meeting her sister for the very first time. Tender moments we will always hold dear…

Sophie slept through the whole thing in the next room. When Ava was born, Rick went to our bedroom to check on Sophie, & she was sitting on the edge of our bed, smiling, just waiting for someone to come get her. Her awareness is absolutely amazing to me. I do believe my mother kept her company through it all…

Ava grabbed Sophie’s finger right away…instant connection…

The proud family! It didn’t even feel like we were up all night…the four of us retreated to our bed at around 6am and slept for several hours until we got hungry again.

Well, it’s March. I don’t know how we got here as we have had the most uneventful, wimpy winter here in Québec. Compared to major blizzard after blizzard last year…trust me, I am not complaining…but it has left us with a feeling of waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop all winter. At this rate winter will be over & spring will be upon us!

Someone mentioned the other day, that I have not blogged at all about this pregnancy. You know, I just haven’t had the urge. This has been a very uneventful pregnancy. I’d like to say that everything is textbook but I’d like to see it as above average. I haven’t had any illness, I have had great energy throughout & the past few weeks I have been like an energizer bunny getting housework done & working again on my jewelry business. I will be reaching my New Year’s goal of 100 pieces in my Etsy Shop probably tomorrow, which is a great accomplishment. I also wanted 20 sales by the time this baby comes & I have exceeded that. Mission accomplished. It’s nice to incorporate something creative into my life again.

But back to pregnancy & birth and all that. If I thought Sophie was an easy pregnancy…I think this one has been pretty much the same except this baby moved a lot more & a lot sooner than Sophie, which is a lot considering how much she moved! I swear he/she also has their father’s rhythm as it feels like they are playing a set of drums in there. The other major difference, is that by this stage with Sophie, she was pretty much ready to bust out. She was a stretcher, & her feet were constantly planted firmly in my ribs the last couple of weeks. Which is probably why she was born at 37 weeks. She still likes to stretch out. From the moment she was born I saw that signature stretch that I felt when she was in the womb. When she is in bed with her dad & I, I am constantly reminded at how much she flopped around in utero. :)

This bambino, however, has an easy-going energy about them. Which, in the long run, is great for us…however I have a sinking feeling they are not going to want to come out of there! I have absolutely no discomfort…in fact I tend to forget that I am pregnant even this late in the game, until I feel movement! They seem very comfortable so I wouldn’t be surprised if I go overdue with this one. That said, there will be no induction or doctor intervention as far as I’m concerned. I remember Sophie’s birth, & how the doctors marvelled at just being there to catch…they did nothing. The only indication that I had that she was coming out soon is that they started putting on their goggles, gloves & “hazmat” suits. So sad that birth in hospitals is treated so sterile. Those dirty, dirty birth canals we have…just a big ball of infections women’s vaginas are. *Roll eyes* Those poor neonates, so terribly fragile their immune systems, right? Yet we give birth in a germy cesspool of an institution with a healthy dose of MERSA to go around…and allow the medical community to do all kinds of “precautionary” procedures that leave our babies open & prone to infection…anyway, I am digressing…the point I was starting to make is that babies come out eventually, by design. If they need a little extra time, take it. They obviously need it! There are many positions to give birth other than writhing in pain on your back with a suctioning device or a scalpel…

I was thinking, that last March we had a 6month old…now I am about to have an infant…are we nuts? LOL! Truth is, as uneventful and quick this pregnancy has been, we are both very excited to be parents again. There is a lot of mystery around this baby…since we do not know the sex…there definitely is a lot of female energy around this baby (conceived on the new moon, due on the new moon) but really, we would be thrilled with whatever we get. I haven’t had an ultrasound, so there aren’t any clues as to what this one will look like at all…I remember Sophie’s signature lips on her ultrasound picture! I regret subjecting her to unnecessary & dangerous sonograms though…oh well, live & learn.

The hiccups! This baby has chronic hiccups just like their sister did…definitely inherited from their father! I feel it right now…hic…hic…hic…hic…yes, it feels weird. If there was any doubt whether the head is down or not…the hiccups coming from my pelvis certainly confirm that! ;)

The other major change this pregnancy, was that I prepared my body for birth with Sophie: prenatal yoga, lots of walking…but didn’t do a lot of the mental/spiritual work. This time I have made this top priority. I have spent a lot of time getting my mind ready for birth. This has certainly been a spiritual pregnancy: in fact I keep seeing the number 7 everywhere lately (spiritual number). I feel very one/whole & close to this child already. Hopefully I can use this positive awareness to bring him/her into the world gently. A good start means a lot to the development, mental & physical health this lifetime for his/her soul…

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don’t worry ’cause
Everything’s going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything’s going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don’t worry ’cause
Everything’s going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all I know is everything’s going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try, try to divide something so real
So till the end of time I’m telling you there ain’t no one

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

~Alicia Keys

(popular chart topper when Sophie was born…)

So my plan to pump and bottle feed her for a few days helped immensely. I started to heal from the bad latches and the pain subsided. Only, my attempts to reintroduce nursing her totally failed Monday, and didn’t get better Tuesday. I had lost my nerve. Every time I would bring her up to feed I would tense up, and you need to be totally relaxed or it just doesn’t work, not to mention painful. I thought, well, I just got to be patient, maybe I need to heal longer…

But yesterday, I was bored out of my mind while Rick was out running errands, so I went upstairs, moved her Amby hammock into the kitchen, snapped a few pics of her, and then started to do a bit of housework. I guess I was feeling really useless since I was not having any luck nursing her, so I thought I should do a bit of tidying up. No sooner than me putting a couple of things away, I started to bleed again. My bleeding had slowed down to basically nothing, and here I was, bleeding again. It was my body’s way of saying, it was too soon. I should be resting, not doing anything but looking after me and my baby, not straightening up the dining room, regardless of how low impact I thought it was. On our dining table was Rivka’s (our doula’s) notes on breastfeeding successfully, and I just began to weep. I was feeling so alone; so abandoned; so lost. Why couldn’t I do this? I talk to so many other mothers who do it successfully and enjoy the bond with their child. I want that. Why can’t I have that?

You see, I think the point people miss, is that it is not about just feeding your child. It is about nourishing your child’s spirit as well as body. They get such comfort out of nursing, being close to you. The moment that child is born, and is laid on your chest, they are immediately looking for the breast. They latch on as if it was old hat to them (unless you have had drugs at birth, then it may take longer). At that moment your breasts become a different entity; not something that looks good in a sweater; not something men like to oogle; they have transitioned into something far more important: comfort and nourishment for your child. They no longer have a sexual connotation; and anyone who thinks so needs to get their head examined.

I am in no way saying, if you choose not to breastfeed, you are wrong. Quite the contrary, in fact Sophie has had formula (along with pumped breast milk) the past 4 days because I was feeling like I couldn’t do it. I was fine with that, if I truly felt I didn’t want to. But the truth was, yesterday afternoon, I realized I wanted to. I wanted that closeness; that bond back that we had the first few hours of her life. It is what I want, and that should not be denied to me. The thought was starting to make me resentful; I was going from being resentful for feeding her because of the pain to being resentful because I couldn’t feed her.

So through tears, I wrote Rivka an email. I knew that I couldn’t get the words out if I called. She called me later that evening, and set me up with her midwife contact, Basia, who is also a certified lactation consultant. Rivka, is a wonderful, caring, non-judgmental woman. In the moment of speaking to her, I was getting the reassurance and in a lot of ways, nurturing I needed. She expressed how she felt after the birth of her youngest, her 5th, at the age of 44. I realized this wasn’t just new mom stress; I had valid feelings and even a seasoned mom has similar feelings.

You see, Rivka and I surmised that my breastfeeding problems were linked to an emotional issue. Breastfeeding went awry the day last week my mother pretty much told me she was not coming up after all until later (let’s just leave it at that). It was crushing to me, as I realized that although I had become a mother, I needed to be mothered. That emotional issue affected both of us; Sophie could pick up on my despair and therefore feeding became difficult to her as well. Breastfeeding is not just an act to feed your child; if you cannot totally relax and be completely emotionally whole, it will never work. It is, again, and emotional tie between you and your child.

So Rivka suggested I get in the bath with her last night; and that worked! Sophie is normally very fussy at bath time, but as soon as she got in the big tub with me, there was an immediate look of happiness and recognition on her face. Water, is very much like the womb. It caused us both to relax, and I was able to nurse her.

Out of the tub, however, I wasn’t having any luck. So Basia came over this afternoon, assessed my technique, gave me some tips, and most importantly, the encouragement I needed to continue. I had it down, I just lost confidence. Plus after Rivka suggested the night before I release the hurt and abandonment feelings, that made Sophie relax, too. So today, Mom and baby are very happy.

So, why so much chat about my breasts, you ask? Because I know some of you think I should just give it up and give her a bottle, and abandon it. These are the reasons why I do not want to abandon it (let’s not even mention the aesthetic reasons…like my pregnancy belly is disappearing – fast!); and if this information helps someone else someday, understand the feelings they are going through, then it is worth the lack of privacy. I have always lived out loud, and this is just another example of that. It may make some uncomfortable… ;)

Sophie will be two weeks old tomorrow, so I wanted to post a few of the pics we have taken of her first moments in this world. Thanks to Rivka’s advice, we were able to have a successful nursing session last night. That just totally put me on a high; she is always happy, but last night, I was feeling so good…so I went and resized a few of her pix while she slept in her drunken stupor from breast milk for your viewing enjoyment. :)

First moments with Daddy in the hospital the day I was born, Sept. 20th.

After our first bath, getting dressed to come home, Sept. 21st.

First car ride..headin’ home to the ‘burbs…

Home now…still asleep from that car ride…

First picture with Mommy. Mommy swore off pictures in the hospital, until she could come home and have a proper shower! :)

My fave place to sleep…Mama’s chest…

Out in the sunshine of the backyard…Sept. 29th

Sleeping in my Amby, Oct 2nd

Sleeping next to Mama on the couch, Oct 2nd

It’s only been two weeks, but her facial features are becoming more defined; less “blobby” newborn. :) Her eyes are getting wider and today I actually saw her pupils. Her hair is becoming lighter; it’s really pretty, more resembling Rick’s hair colour with an infusion of mine. She is more alert and just loves to lay there and take everything in. What a peanut. :)

It’s hard to believe that this time last week I was sitting here excitedly because my water just broke. And today, here I sit, with our beautiful, angelic daughter.

When we got home, Rick set me up with a keyboard on the couch so I could leave my laptop on the coffee table and just type away. It’s nice since Sophie pretty much spends all day on my chest; not to mention I can’t get a top on right now to save my life…so it’s a good way to keep in contact with the outside world.

I really don’t know what we did before the internet; if we have questions about something, we consult the ‘net before even thinking of calling the nurse about minor things. We’re not panicky individuals at all, but it’s so nice to keep educated on things we don’t know about.

Rivka (our doula) was over Monday to check on how things are going. I totally wracked one nipple on Saturday when my milk came in; my boobs were just so big I had a hard time getting her to latch properly. That is painful at times but it is healing and Rivka is confident with my feeding.

She was also commenting how Sophie is the perfect copy of a person who is 50% me and 50% Rick. She doesn’t look like me or Rick, she looks like me AND Rick. Don’t let her Asian features throw you off…and those will fade more with time (much to my disappointment…hee hee…). I giggle watching the two of them sleep at night…Rick & Sophie sleep the same way, with the same expressions!

We are amazed at how well things are going. Sophie is a very well adjusted baby; if I wasn’t convinced natural birth was the way to go before, I certainly am now! More later…she is starting to fuss on my chest and will want to be fed soon. Here’s a few more pics, though…

This week, the most I was looking forward to was the baby shower on Friday and trying to keep ahead of all the doctor’s appointments. Wednesday night we were going to go to the Jewish for the doctor meet & greet, so we would know the whole team.

…and then my water broke…

Wednesday at 4:30pm
It all began.
By 1am
We headed to the hospital.
After being there
for about an hour
The doctor checked me.
6cm and fully thinned out, +1
I had no idea what that meant
But it meant the baby was coming
…and fast!

It was a lot of pain;
A lot of panic;
A lot of feeling like –
I JUST CAN’T DO THIS!!!
Thankfully Rick
and Rivka, our doula
Helped get me focused;
Because when it was time to push
I was completely exhausted
- and FREAKED OUT!
Rivka gives me a homeopathic
to calm me down.
It works almost immediately
I start to focus…

Next thing I knew;
I was pushing again;
pushing;
pushing;
My mind was screaming to stop!
I was tired;
and it hurt -
as the head crowned
“The ring of fire”
as they call it
…and it burns burns burns
The ring of fire…
yes it burns…
My body would just not stop bearing down
All of a sudden,
a release of pressure;
A bit more burn
A release of pressure again;
And then -
Sophie Jade
Was laying on my stomach!

Sophie Jade Briel Deveau
Was born at 4:43am
Weighing 6lbs 7oz
At the Jewish General Hospital
After only 2 hrs 45 min of being there
12 hours labour total
Most at home,
And most of it without pain.

Remember what I said;
This baby
Was going to wait for no one
So being two weeks early
Was no surprise to me.

It was not until after the birth
That I realized
What an amazing job I did
Staff was amazed
Wow – no epidural
I was so perky
Just an hour after
(and ready to GO HOME!)
The other girl
In my temporary room
(it was busy)
Had induction & epidural
She was puking
Had a headache
Still contracting;
Bad –
So much
For modern
medicine!

We came home yesterday afternoon
After our family doctor
Saw us,
and agreed to let us go early.
My doctor
who was not on call that night
Was beaming at me
Said she heard
I had
The perfect birth;
Couldn’t have been any more perfect
She said
So I relaxed a bit
Because with all my screaming
and complaining
In the moment
I saw nothing
Perfect about it!

Last night
First night home
Went perfect
Get this people
No screaming
or crying
Through the night.
She fussed a little
every 2 hours
and I nursed her.
We laid side by side
stomach to stomach
And when she latched on
I simply drifted back to sleep.
So much for
“You won’t get any sleep
when the baby is born”
Heh heh…

She has a full head of black hair
Not jet black
It is very pretty
Like how I used to get my hair
coloured to have “natural” highlights
She spends most of her time
skin to skin
On my chest.
(like right now, sleeping away)
She is now
Officially
Out of diapers
Although
I am not ready
To EC yet
She lays on prefolds
So much easier
To clean
And see
How much she is going.
Have to keep track
To make sure
She is getting
Enough milk.

She is cute
In that
Newborn
Bobble head
Sort of way
hee hee…
I don’t have a good pic of her
Always making faces
But she is very Buddha
Zen-like
When you look into
Her dark eyes
There is a very wise soul
Behind them
Looking back at you
As her name suggests.

Dad is doing great too.
She loves to rock on his lap
And smile up at him
When he talks to her.
Rick is enjoying
Being domestic
And I am getting used to
being dependent for everything.
It is working out quite nicely.
Having a well adjusted baby
With no ill effects of drugs
Really, really helps.

Even though,
Birth is traumatic
It is worth doing it natural.
When you recover this fast
Mom & baby
are happy, healthy.
Next time
Will be a home birth
for sure.
Just being in a hospital
panicked me.
Our doula
Already asked
If she could be there
for our next one.
She said
Of all her births
Mine was
The most fun
She had been to
In awhile
I said
Gee…
Glad
It was fun
For her!
LMAO! :)
Of course
I would
Want her there
again
But that
Won’t be
For awhile. ;)

BIENVENUE
Miss Sophie Jade!
It been quite the experience
To bring you here
I’m sure
There will be many many more
memorable experiences…

…and we can’t wait!

It never ceases to amaze me my powers of organization and creativity. I have been in good spirits all day, but feeling rather tired. Rick & I concluded I wasn’t getting enough protein, so he made me a huge steak tonight from organic beef. That was really nice of him, since he still cannot reintroduce beef into his diet. I must say, it did the trick. I am amazed how sensitive my diet is. I guess when you are trying to support two people in one body…anyway, I feel back to normal this evening. We even went out to buy a microwave tonight.

Ok, so why did we go out and buy a microwave tonight, you ask? Well, after a nap this afternoon, I decided that my current work space just would not do. I had jewelry supplies and jewelry in various states of production over one table, and no room for the soy tea lights I was getting ready to pour. I also thought, wouldn’t it be great if I had a microwave down here so that I could use it for my various projects (read: melting soy wax). So, Rick & I did a little rearranging; I now have lots of work space and our old microwave downstairs. I also moved our old electric kettle and my extra coffee maker down here. We had the perfect cabinet to house it all, it just had to be cleared of all our junk (me, stationery supplies, Rick computer equipment) that needed to either be tossed or put in its proper place. We went and bought a $50 stainless steel microwave to replace the one I took. We don’t cook in it anyway, so the new one not only looks nice, but serves its purpose for heating up magic bags, etc., or for when guests come who insist on using a microwave. ;)

Plus my new convenient set up downstairs, makes it more comfortable for guests (read: keeps them out of my hair…lol!). We also have a mini-fridge down here, so it feels more like a hotel suite now. So, if guests would like to have their privacy (or if we do, for example) they have the convenience of a few more amenities. Seems win win to me.

Anyway, the outcome of my ideas totally enhance our downstairs; opened it up even more and the energy flow in here is even better. I know, I know, I was supposed to be done…but these little tweaks only make our home more comfy and let’s take advantage of the great ideas that seem to be coming out of my brain these days. It only took me a couple of hours, and some of Rick’s muscle power, and is so worth it. The cats are even happy with it. They are such a good judge of flow…I swear they are trained in Feng Shui. ;)

I had the most uncomfortable day yesterday so I didn’t get a chance to post about our day. I made the critical mistake of not eating when I should or enough and paid for it for the rest of the day & night. This was the most uncomfortable day of my pregnancy and hopefully the last (until labour sets in at least).

Rick & I both had appointments with our Naturopathic Doctor yesterday starting at 1:30. With school back in, the traffic here is so unpredictable we have to give ourselves at least an hour to get downtown, because you never know. So…leaving at 12:30 made it problematic to get a proper lunch in on time, esp. since I farted around all morning, then had to shower, etc. I had a very healthy and large snack, but again, probably not enough, esp. for a 9 month pregnant lady.

Then instead of going to get something to eat after our appt., I was so focused on the list of errands to run I neglected to grab something. So by the time we got back to the West Island, my stomach was crampy and tight, and my uterus was this tight ball. It was like a constant contraction all day. I can’t tell you how weird it is, these Braxton-Hicks contractions, when your belly goes absolutely rock hard. It is the weirdest thing to feel/experience. The skin on my belly is already so tight; it just won’t stretch anymore…then when it goes hard from the inside, well, it is alarming the first time it happens!

So, imagine, this whole situation is not comfy for the baby either, so I had two feet shoved up under my ribs, making it very hard to breathe. Being in the car was downright painful, and when I rubbed my ribs, they were tender like someone had given me a swift kick. The baby just kept shoving little feet higher and higher into my rib cage, and I was getting really cranky and exasperated with the discomfort. We stopped for a fruit smoothie which made me feel better, but by the time we got to supper at 5:30 I was so uncomfortable I just could not eat. This discomfort continued all night, and I got some soup down at least. But I was up twice last night uncomfortable and starving. I had no choice than to just get up and fix a bit to eat.

So gals, that is why you should eat and eat often when you are pregnant, even when you think you don’t feel hungry!

The appt. with our ND went well; so well she only charged the both of us for a 45 min. appt, instead of two 45 min appts, half of what we were expecting to pay, which was nice. Things are going well, so there was no need for a long assessment. She also gave both of us some homeopathics. Rick to support his work exhaustion/adrenals. Me, she gave homeopathics for myself and the baby, to take after the birth in order to heal/deal with the trauma. For now, I am on a new phytotherapy (liquid herbal mixture you mix with hot water and drink) as well as back on my minerals that support pregnant women, only at a higher dose. We are supposed to meet with our doula Monday, and our ND says she will put me on her own homepathic regime to prepare me for birth. I guess she already contacted our doula with her preferred regime.

Rick’s elimination diet is still on until Saturday; she wanted him to get used to the homeopathics before reintroducing the foods that were eliminated. We don’t mind, we have gotten so used to eating that way.

After the appt., we headed over to Babies R Us to pick up the last few things on my list that are baby related. I picked up the breast pump, some freezer bags and also a bottle warmer as it was on sale for $24.99. I wasn’t going to get one, but this one has a wide & adjustable mouth so you can warm up different sized bottles in it, including baby food, so thought why not. I’m not going to open it so that I can return it if I don’t use it.

I also picked up a cute little Baby Bjorn potty, perfect for little bums and practicing EC:

These are also affordable, $16.99. There is also a bigger version for bigger kids which we will eventually get, for $39.99.

I got everything on my list with the exception of the baby hair brush; the one they had had awfully hard bristles. I will look around to see if I can find one I like, but really, not an important item.

We also got some snacks for the hospital at Health Tree, and some ginger tea. Our ND recommended I drink ginger tea in the hospital. It warms up your body, and therefore good in labour, since you relax when you are warm. I will have to check with our doula if we will have to bring a kettle with us or not (probably). I am trying to keep the stuff to bring to a minimum but it’s hard in a hospital that provides practically nothing! :)

I still have to get a hot water bottle and an ice pack; can you believe Pharmaprix (Shopper’s Drug Mart) didn’t have hot water bottles?! Um, helloooo…

So that was my uncomfortable, miserable day. Although I can’t complain; I got quite a bit done. Today was a new day, and although I napped most of the day, I started the new homeopathic regime and feel back to my old self again. It should be a fun night; my soy wax arrived along with a few jewelry supplies. :)

Today I also got the following books in the mail. I ordered “The Vital Touch” as it was recommended by one of the gals in my Montréal EC group. What a great bunch of women; it’s nice to have like-minded people to talk to.

The Vital Touch: How Intimate Contact with your Baby Leads to Happier, Healthier Development
By Sharon Heller, PhD

Book description:
Using a lively array of anthropological and sociological sources, this book presents a provocative examination of the reasons why, today more than ever, parents need to make consistent physical connections with their children–and why this should begin during infancy. Complete with inspiring examples from cultures all over the world, the text clearly proves the power of closeness, and shows parents how to share more of it with their children.

Of course, I want to order at least $35 worth to get free shipping with Amazon, so I couldn’t resist getting a few of the children’s books I have on my wish list:

This book isn’t just silly, it also explains why we pass gas, and how a skunk’s stink is not farts…it is not only cute but educational…hee hee…

Baby’s Box of Fun : A Karen Katz Lift-the-Flap Gift Set: Where Is Baby’s Belly Button; Where Is Baby’s Mommy?; Toes, Ears, & Nose (Board book)
I was thoroughly impressed with this box set, esp. since it was only $14.59CAD. Very colourful and appropriate for young babies, and the stories itself although simplistic are very endearing.

Okay, had enough baby stories for the night? I still have “Spider Pig” stuck in my head. *Chuckle* Ah, the Simpsons. :)

I’ve decided to call the next four weeks or so my selfish four weeks. I plan on staying very busy, as I usually do, but for once it is all about the interests I like. Marathon jewelry making sessions, soy candle making (I ordered more soy today, if you never tried soy candles they are my second favourite candle to bees wax, but less expensive. The best thing is they are non-toxic unlike burning traditional paraffin…you could eat the stuff!), cosmetic making (I have all the ingredients here to make my own lip balm & body butter, but the most I have made so far is bubble bath, shower gel, and SLS free shampoo), writing and my usual prenatal yoga & rest. If the chores get done, they get done. Rick is in agreement we have to get used to a slightly dirtier house for when the baby gets here anyway (who has time for housework and who cares anyway!) so it will be good if I don’t stay on my OCD cleaning schedule. :)

I am as happy as a pig in shit, because the creative part of the nesting instinct has kicked in, and I don’t have anything to organize. That means all my energy goes into my talents and interests. In two days I made 15 pieces of jewelry: 15 pieces of pure creativity that I am satisfied with. This has not happened for a long time; always something else getting in the way or having to be done; and I found the creative block of Nova Scotia did not help (I was more concerned about making things cheap and simple for the fussy market there rather than listening to my creative instincts and letting it flow organically). I feel totally free and back baby! I’m starting to amass a few things to sell which is good news for some of you. ;)

And now to have some fun with the absurd…I got my Sears Card statement the other day, claiming that I owe them 41 cents this month…mind you, I paid the bloody thing off in full last month, this is some bullshit insurance they want me to pay…and they want it this month, rather than carrying it over…soooo…I am sending them 41 cents. Like I’m gonna write a cheque for that! Or stand in line just to pay 41 cents at the Sears in Pointe Claire. Yeah right! So let’s see if they take it or if I create some sort of retarded panic amongst their accounting dept. Heh heh…

That’s life, these days…

Someone told me long ago,
theres a calm before the storm,
I know; its been comin’ for some time.
When its over, so they say, it’ll rain a sunny day,
I know; shinin down like water…
-CCR

I find that some of my most productive days are rainy ones: nothing to do but escape to the basement and the creativity that awaits. I made a few new jewelry pieces this afternoon, which is quite satisfying. I am finding that my cup of creative juices is flowing and runneth over here compared to Halifax. I have the best of both worlds; it is so quiet and lush with nature here in the Suroît, with a thriving Cosmopolitan city as added inspiration not far away. I look forward to getting my website off the ground, which is looking more and more possible with every passing day.

I’ve been doing some more internet shopping; jewelry supplies I need and some more baby stuff. It never ceases to amaze me that Rick does not mind me shopping so much and encourages me to do so. I guess he knows how pragmatic I am about the whole thing; I never shop just out of boredom or buy things I/we do not need.

So what I needed is maternity suspenders; they attach to the top of your pants and to the bottom of your bra to help keep your pants up. I find that since my maternity jeans are all elastic they tend to travel south every time I bend over or sit down. They are very comfy but it’s quite annoying to have to keep hauling them up. So, since the company offers free shipping on orders over $100, I decided to also get the Tummy Tub and Adiri Breast bottle I wanted. The Tummy Tub is shaped more naturally so that baby feels as though they are secure (like in mom’s tummy) making bath time more enjoyable and safe (no drowning in the Tummy Tub). The La Leche League recommends the Adiri bottle; it’s shaped/feels more like a breast making bottle-feeding more natural; it cuts down on fussy feeding due to nipple confusion or the intake of too much air, which seems to happen with regular bottles. I plan to breastfeed but this will be good for when I pump and when we go out. Anyway, I will post pictures of both when they come in.

You may have noticed that I am still being very generic in my speech regarding the sex of the baby, and with posting pictures, as the clothes are quite ambiguous. It has never been a secret since the conception what the sex is, and the ultrasound only confirmed what we had already told people. It has been made clear either by words or actions how (un)interested certain people in our lives are about us welcoming a baby in the world, and that is completely fine, but this site is not going to be a way to spy on us without making a concerted effort to have a relationship. So….if you care to know certain details such as the sex you can ask us directly; if you would rather not know the details then you can keep reading here….but my pregnancy is not for gossip or the entertainment of others. The point of this site is to document our lives for our own memories; if other people would like to come along for the ride they are certainly welcome. But don’t expect to read this site on a regular basis and assume you know all that we are about or what we are up to.

It’s difficult for us to be forthcoming and cooperative with those who act uninterested for the most part when talking to us (or lack of) but then use this news as entertainment or bragging rights. This is a person coming into the world who is to be respected with the utmost respect that Rick & I demand for ourselves, albeit perhaps sounding like a bunch of whiny bitches…it is, what it is.

I say what I say: love it, hate it, take it, or leave it. I find it very frustrating at times that I feel that I need to sugar coat what is said on this site just to appease the peanut gallery, even though most of you know I have never sugar coated anything out of my mouth. I consider writing an outlet and an art form. I have been quite bored lately with the lack of style in my writing simply because I have to worry about who’s reading this. Just because I am now a married woman becoming a mother doesn’t mean I have to give up my Bitch-with-a-capital-B.

Anyway, this is therapeutic writing at its best; my point is that those who are dear to us know what our wishes and intentions are; this is merely but a snippet taken from our lives. It should not be taken as a thorough overview as to what is going on with us, but just a glimpse into our humble existence. Having a baby DOES NOT in any way, consume us. We simply would like to bring another human into the world that we will hopefully aspire to live above the status quo.

Now with that, I feel like I’ve taken back my personality, my expression, my integrity. Happy blogging!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter. Ours was great; the Easter Bunny even came! I would have posted last week to wish everyone Easter Blessings but we have bigger news, and I was waiting to get an appointment over and done with the Tuesday following Easter Monday.

Tonight we went to Ikea to get the last of the furniture we need for the house. Thank God for Ikea, I can’t believe how cheap it is going to be! I have been busy getting the house ready; we should be having the first of many house guests in about two weeks. Unfortunately, the Ikea had a small fire and was closed. We’ll have to go back Wednesday when they reopen. I am anxious to get the house done, because we have bigger things to plan for.

You see, Rick & I have been keeping a secret. A secret we have actually known about since before we left Halifax. But I wanted to be absolutely sure everything looked fine before we officially shared our news.

You see…it appears we will be mommy and daddy for the first time this fall. That’s right: I’m pregnant! I’m 15 weeks and had my first major prenatal checkup last Tuesday. The good news is that I am healthy and the baby’s heart beat sounds good & strong. My due date is October 3rd. A Libra baby, Ameesha reminds me; fair & balanced. That’s a relief! We are very excited and can’t wait to be parents. We are ready and willing to take on the challenge. It is something we have discussed many times over the past couple of years. We are both at good places in our lives both physically, spiritually, mentally and financially. The time is more than right to start a family…it’s about as perfect as it can get, because Lord knows, there is no such thing as the PERFECT time! In the New Year, Rick said it would be nice if I was pregnant by the summer, so I told him we had better get on that, since from what I’ve been told it takes the average woman 6 months to get pregnant. Weeeeeelll, when you know your cycle like I do, it appears it takes no time at all. LOL! First time’s a charm; for us this time. :)

I’m in the second trimester and I really wish I could bottle these hormones for everyone. The second trimester is known as the “honeymoon phase”of pregnancy because your mood and energy is so high. I can’t say I had a bad first trimester, though. In fact, it was easy to keep it a secret because quite frankly, I kept forgetting! I was not sick at all, just extrememly tired for about two weeks. I had a normal appetite; I was only turned off by certain meats. The doctor and nurse were so happy for me; although I will admit I was worried something was wrong because I felt so “normal”. It was certainly a relief to hear the baby’s heart beat. Since I heard the heart beat I feel like I have bonded with my baby already! I now see what pregnant women are taking about: it’s such a feeling of euphoria. I cannot wait to meet our baby, but I want to enjoy every minute of being pregnant as well. So I’ve been rubbing my tummy and enjoying the little bump that is starting to develop.

I decided to start a new section on this blog to record my progress. I know some of my friends who plan to have children in the future are already picking my brain and will find this a useful reference. My main reason was to preserve the memories for Rick & I, but then my friend Michelle had the suggestion it would be perfect for the baby book. What a wonderful idea!

By the way, if you are reading this post and are disappointed that we didn’t personally tell you, we just got around to telling family the end of last week, as it took us a while to figure out how to do it. We made the announcement through email for the most part, because it was easier than repeating myself several times. It is overwhelming to get the word out there, but you are free to contact us individually for a more personal conversation about it. To be honest there was some safety in keeping it to ourselves. In a way, now that it has been spoken out loud, I feel a bit insecure. If something goes wrong now, it will not be just Rick & I grieving about it, it will be everyone.

What else for the first post…so much has gone on in the last four months. I have been studying about natural child birth and hands down it is my choice. I realize it does not have to be painful and complicated if you learn how your body works and that women were designed for childbirth. We have hired a doula and I am studying hypnobirthing. Through our doula she was able to guide us into finding a wonderful family doctor, which is great because I have been very dissatisfied with the level of care I was getting. I am amazed at the doctor I have, she is not only an amazing doctor, but a professor too who teaches obstetrics to a vast majority of practitioners in this country. She is a self-proclaimed “granola” doctor, so as you can imagine, she is the doctor of my dreams. I will be having the baby downtown at the Jewish General; although I am on the waiting list at the midwife centre in Lac St. Louis as another option. My doctor and hospital does not believe in episiotomies, thank Jesus!

Don’t get me wrong, if there are complications I am not against the alternatives, but there are too many eyebrow raising and downright scary statistics that the medical community doesn’t divulge outright; I would like to do it the way nature intended if at all possible. It also doesn’t mean that I have any judgements against anyone who has a preference in doing it the other way. I’m just glad I have a doctor who has a similar philosophy to me and the doula will definitely help, too.

With that said, I cannot stress enough, and ask as politely as possible that you keep any conversation with me about children and labour positive; if you have any horror stories or negative feelings towards birth or child rearing I would respectfully ask that you don’t tell me until after the baby is born. One thing that I’ve learned through hypnobirthing and simply through the life philosophy of the Law of Attraction is that you get what you put out there, and fear is a major reason why life (or in this case, birth) becomes complicated. I know that some of you like to joke around and you mean nothing by saying, “you better get all the sleep you can now, because you sure won’t sleep later” but this is a negative comment that I would like to keep out of my head. You know what they say, if you can’t say anything nice…

I have my next doctor’s appointment on May 8th and my ultrasound is on May 16th. With my doctor, staff and hospital so positive, I look forward to my doctor’s appointment. I did prenatal bloodwork on Thursday, so I cross my fingers everything comes out normal; no blood type clashes between baby & me, for example.

If I could say anything to our child right now, it would be, that I cannot believe I could love someone so much before I have even met them. I will do my best to be a good mommy to you; please remember that I am learning along the way just like you are. But I will always love you and nothing you can do will ever change that.

*SOB* I never thought in a million years I would be a parent. You can ask Rick, when I met him I had no interest in having kids, he’s the one who said he wanted them. Just goes to show what a good man and a good life can do to change your mind.